A Life Led By Us And Only Ourselves: A Poem

There’s a knife in my hands,

and blood in my eyes,

but it’s not death I’m after;

it’s life.

A life without pain,

a life without misery;

a life led by me, and only myself.

 

I’m sick of being told that it can’t be done,

that me and my mental illnesses,

we are all one.

But I’ve realized myself, that I really can live

I can live a meaningful life,

a life that includes happiness,

a life that I love;

a life led by me, and only myself.

 

I’m becoming myself,

and I’m shedding my old skin.

I’m finding my interests, my values, my sins.

It’s nice to meet the person I am,

and say goodbye to all I am not,

to stop pretending and playing a sick game;

to live a life led by me, and only myself.

 

The blood and tears have only just begun,

but I know that the wound inflicted on myself,

is one that can heal.

It will be messy –

don’t get me wrong.

I may scar, but it won’t ruin me – I can finally live;

live a life led by me, and only myself.

 

It won’t be me that dies –

no, it will be my illnesses, my mistakes, and all of my bad memories.

And when they’re on their way to the hospital, fighting to live,

to have one more breath of life,

I will throw at them all I can lift.

So that finally, I can be the one to live;

a life led by me, and only myself.

 

Sometimes, goodbye means opportunities,

it means another chance.

And sometimes, we’re allowed more than a second chance.

Sometimes it takes more than one goodbye to escape,

to escape from the ropes that bound your hands together for so long.

But I have the knife to cut off the ropes, and the tools to make it out of my cell,

to live a life led by me, and only myself.

 

It sure won’t be easy,

and I might lose the key a time or two, or even more.

But that’s okay –

you don’t gain the skills to break out of prison in one day.

It will take logic, and emotions, and sometimes just action.

But it will be worth it to live;

to live a life led by me, and only myself.

 

I may miss the place I once was in –

it provided safety, security, privacy, control, and numbness to life.

But I want to feel,

whatever that may be,

whether it’s good, bad, or anywhere in between.

I’m ready to live;

a life led by me, and only myself.

 

So suit up,

grab your sword.

The only way out is to fight.

It’s okay to lose a battle,

and you might even fall out of the ring.

But in the end, I can live, and so can you,

a life led by you, and only yourself.

 

And when we come out on the other side of this mountain,

the mountain we never thought we could climb,

the mountain we fell down a few times,

the mountain that, in the beginning, didn’t even seem worth it,

we will be strong,

and we will be ready,

to live a life led by us, and only ourselves.

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2 Replies to “A Life Led By Us And Only Ourselves: A Poem”

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